You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
