Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
