i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
