Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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