Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
