i just had sex bonerless
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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