my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
