the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize