Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize