i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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