The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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