Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
