yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
