dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
