Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
