Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
