We got so high we made milksteak
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize