my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
