I'm going to jail i love you
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
