I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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