You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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