I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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