we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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