Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
