I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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