Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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