you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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