OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
