I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
