He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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