we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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