My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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