Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
