Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Got a toothbrush?

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(845): View more from New York

just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism

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(347): View more from New York

i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.

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(817): View more from Texas

One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.

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(316): View more from Kansas

This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart

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(585): View more from New York

A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom

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