someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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