you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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