I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
