Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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