no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You pole danced in your parka.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
