Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
