I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
