U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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