Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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