Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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