you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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