Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
