and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
