we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
