dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
two words...techno handjob
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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