you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
