Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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