There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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