her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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