She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
