Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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