Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
