I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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