you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You don't make any sense
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