he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
