Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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