Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
