I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
