I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
