dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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