youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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