i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
