Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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