i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
