Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
