Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize