I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
