We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
