Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
