Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
