The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
