Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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