i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize