its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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