I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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